Comments in Jokes

  1. EricShadow
    EricShadow United States Oct 20, 2017 09:51 pm In Jokes
    THEM: in 186 days an asteroid is going to collide with Earth

    EVERYONE ELSE: *screaming*

    ME: *deletes MyFitnessPal app*
  1. EricShadow
    EricShadow United States Oct 20, 2017 09:51 pm In Jokes
    WOMAN: some people shouldn't have children

    ME: [placing my screaming son in her shopping cart] thank you
  1. EricShadow
    EricShadow United States Oct 20, 2017 09:50 pm In Jokes
    ME: I had salmon for lunch

    WIFE: the L is silent, idiot

    ME: haha I knew that, I meant unch
  1. EricShadow
    EricShadow United States Oct 20, 2017 09:49 pm In Jokes
    Just found out my son is severely allergic to our new puppy. It wasn't an easy decision, but I hear his new foster parents have an Xbox.
  1. EricShadow
    EricShadow United States Oct 20, 2017 09:49 pm In Jokes
    Find that one special person in this world that completes you and make them watch football.
  1. EricShadow
    EricShadow United States Oct 20, 2017 09:48 pm In Jokes
    The surgeon who worked on my shoulder said it should feel better in a week to seven days, which makes me worry.
  1. EricShadow
    EricShadow United States Oct 20, 2017 09:47 pm In Jokes
    Most people would use a time machine to go back in time and right some wrong. Not me. I'd use it to spend more time with my old dog.
  1. EricShadow
    EricShadow United States Oct 20, 2017 09:47 pm In Jokes
    If you're struggling to get noticed and feel like your writing isn't being appreciated remember that Mama Said Knock You Out was a huge hit.
  1. EricShadow
    EricShadow United States Oct 20, 2017 09:46 pm In Jokes
    You should know something about me before accepting my advice. I'm not good at anything and couldn't care less.
  1. EricShadow
    EricShadow United States Oct 20, 2017 09:46 pm In Jokes
    [burglar gently waking me] you live like this?
  1. EricShadow
    EricShadow United States Oct 20, 2017 09:45 pm In Jokes
    My wife was going to write a poem about me as an anniversary gift but couldn't think of anything that rhymes with disappointment.
  1. EricShadow
    EricShadow United States Mar 05, 2017 07:29 pm In Jokes
    I just asked an old guy with gray hair his secret to living a long life. His secret is "I'm 44. Fuck off."

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