Comments in Chuck Norris Facts

  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:20 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:20 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:20 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:20 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:20 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:20 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:20 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:20 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    8. Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:20 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:20 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:20 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:20 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    12. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over thePacific Ocean.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:20 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    13. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    14. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    15. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    16. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    17. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    18. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    19. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    20. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    21. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    22. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    23. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    24. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    25. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    26. Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    27. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    28. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    29. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    30. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    31. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    32. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    33. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    34. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    35. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:19 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    36. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    37. Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    38. Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    39. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    40. If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    41. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    42. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    43. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    44. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    45. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    46. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    47. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    48. There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    49. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    50. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    51. Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    52. When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    53. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
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    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    54. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
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    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    55. Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    56. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
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    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    57. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    58. Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    59. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:18 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    60. Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    61. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    62. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    63. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    64. In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    65. Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    66. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    67. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    68. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    69. Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    70. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    71. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    72. Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    73. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    74. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    75. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    76. Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
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    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    77. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
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    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    78. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score a 1600.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    79. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    80. When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    81. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
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    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    82. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:17 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    83. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:16 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    84. Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:16 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    85. In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:16 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    86. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:16 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    87. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:16 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    88. Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:16 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    89. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:15 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    90. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:15 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    91. If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:15 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    92. Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:15 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    93. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:15 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    94. Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:15 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    95. You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:15 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    96. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:15 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    97. When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:15 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    98. James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:15 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    99. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:15 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    100. Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother’s womb.
  1. ChuckNorris
    ChuckNorris United States Oct 03, 2017 03:15 am In Chuck Norris Facts
    101. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. 

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Chuck Norris Facts

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Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. These facts may not be facts, it's probably safer to believe them though.

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