Comments posted by Chuck Norris

  1. Jokes
    Jokes 22 Oct, 2017 07:02 am
    Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:20 am
    1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:20 am
    2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:20 am
    3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:20 am
    4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:20 am
    5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:20 am
    6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:20 am
    7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:20 am
    8. Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:20 am
    9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:20 am
    10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:20 am
    11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:20 am
    12. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over thePacific Ocean.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:20 am
    13. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    14. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    15. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    16. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    17. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    18. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    19. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    20. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    21. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    22. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    23. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    24. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    25. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    26. Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    27. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    28. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    29. The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    30. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    31. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    32. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    33. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    34. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    35. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:19 am
    36. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    37. Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    38. Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    39. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    40. If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    41. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    42. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    43. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    44. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    45. Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    46. Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    47. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    48. There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    49. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    50. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    51. Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    52. When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    53. Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    54. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    55. Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    56. A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    57. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    58. Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    59. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:18 am
    60. Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    61. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    62. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    63. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    64. In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    65. Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    66. If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    67. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    68. Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    69. Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    70. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    71. While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    72. Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    73. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    74. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    75. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    76. Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    77. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    78. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score a 1600.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    79. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    80. When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    81. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    82. On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:17 am
    83. Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:16 am
    84. Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:16 am
    85. In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:16 am
    86. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:16 am
    87. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:16 am
    88. Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:16 am
    89. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:15 am
    90. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
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    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:15 am
    91. If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:15 am
    92. Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:15 am
    93. The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:15 am
    94. Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:15 am
    95. You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:15 am
    96. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:15 am
    97. When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:15 am
    98. James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:15 am
    99. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:15 am
    100. Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother’s womb.
  1. Chuck Norris Facts
    Chuck Norris Facts 03 Oct, 2017 03:15 am
    101. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. 
  1. Jokes
    Jokes 29 Mar, 2017 11:41 am
    On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Chuck Norris

I can kill two stones with one bird.

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